Maintaining Your Marriage:

How many of us have a vehicle?  How many of us change our oil at least twice a year? How many of us make sure we keep fuel in our vehicle?  Do we put just enough fuel in to get us from point A to B, or do we like to have our tanks full?  How many of us take our vehicle in for routine maintenance? 

How many of us get a tune up on our marriage at least twice a year?  Do we keep our love tanks full or do we put just enough in our love tanks to get us from point A to point B?  Shouldn’t we have routine maintenance on our marriage?  Surely our marriages mean more to us than our vehicles. 

Honesty is an absolute must for a successful relationship/marriage.

Trust- You must be able to trust and depend on one another.

Good communication- Good communication includes knowing your spouse’s needs, desires, goals, and Love Language.

Understand that all marriages, including happy healthy marriages have disputes and disagreements. Having an argument isn’t what will destroy a marriage; the way you argue that will determine whether or not you will maintain a healthy marriage.  We must learn what is called, ‘Fighting Fair’.

Learning to Fight Fair

PHYSICAL VIOLANTS IS NEVER JUSTIFIED NOR ACCEPTABLE

Always pray first: Keep the Lord as the foundation of everything in your marriage.

Communicate: Silent treatment will not work.  

When communicating:

Stick to the subject, deal only with the issue at hand. 

Do not bring up past issues.

Use I statements instead of You… Over use of YOU can cause your spouse to feel they are under attack and can cause them to become defensive.

Do not use words such as NEVER or ALWAYS in your discussion.  These words will likely ALWAYS make your statement inaccurate.

Use strategic timing:

Choose a time that is convenient for you both.  For example, if your spouse is in the middle of a project, sleeping or working, this is likely not the best time for a productive interaction.

Avoid name calling or cheap shots:

Don’t fight to win an argument, fight to have a happy marriage. This takes work and practice.

Hold hands during your discussion: Establish a physical touch, such as placing your hand on your spouse’s shoulder or even holding hands.  However, if your touching or hand holding becomes tainted by anger, take a cool down break. Come together at a later agreed upon time reestablishing your touch.

Never use sex as a weapon. Never threaten to withhold expressions of love or sex out of anger.

Listen to your partner:

In all your getting, get an understanding. Understand what’s really going on. Don’t be afraid to admit when you are wrong. (Pride) Proverbs 16:18: Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

Make up, mean it and forgive

The critical component is forgiveness – Ephesians 4:31-32: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Don’t go to bed angry- Ephesians 4:26: Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Ephesians 4:27:  Neither give place to the devil. Mark 10:9: What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.